Positive Results by Sabrina

How do you address your Inner Mean Girl? Your Inner Critic? That voice inside your head that knows all the right buttons to push to keep you off your guard and headed towards the dark space?

This is not a new topic. I read a book aimed at this topic over a decade ago. You can see a meme addressed to your IMG any day of the week. But this is still a very individual issue. Some people name her so they know who their enemy really is. Some people are consumed by the force of her rage and the volume of her anger.

For many of us, that voice is not actually our own. It’s the resounding chorus of everyone who has ever put us down throughout our lifetimes. I am in my forties, but I can still hear every insult that has been thrown my way since elementary school. The messages that were shared with me that almost took my life, are just as fresh today as they were then. As an adult, I hear the catcalls that have come my way walking and running down the street. I remember every disagreement I have had and every time someone has made me feel less than. I carry those with me each day. Some days they are weights. Other days they are the platform I stand upon to see into a brighter tomorrow.

We can be surrounded by the most loving, supportive, encouraging people but their love isn’t always enough to drown out the noise. However, they can help you combat it! 

You cannot avoid the negative thoughts just like you cannot avoid the negative things that happen in your life. What you can do, is face them. When you look in the mirror and say something negative to yourself, I want to encourage you to counter it with two positive things. When you’re out for a run and your legs are sore or your lungs are trying to tell you to stop, remind them of how far you have come. When you’re reading the job description for the new job you’re considering and wondering if you’re qualified, look at the evidence before you. Look at the jobs you’ve already successfully handled. Remind yourself of the experiences that have gotten you to today.

Look back at the obstacles you’ve overcome.

Acknowledge the voices out loud. 

“Yes, I hear you. I know that you’re trying to remind me to be cautious. I will step lightly.”

“Thank you for your opinion. I know this outfit isn’t something I have worn before. I’m brave and I love the colors.”

“Yes, I am scared to make the wrong choices. I care about my family and my care gives me strength and hope.”

Head up. Eyes forward.

Also, remind yourself that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Are you putting yourself down because you’re looking at what others are doing? You are the only person you should be competing against. Do not compare yourself physically, financially, or emotionally with the people around you. Wake up each day with the reminder that you are stronger now than you once believed you were. Each step forward is progress and you should be proud of where you are. 

When I reached out to the social media universe for suggestions, one of my favorite replies was, “Treat yourself with Compassionate Curiosity. What is the IMG poking at?” 

Instead of being the voice of mockery and pain, maybe she’s a gentle reminder of something you’re searching for? Maybe she’s trying to gently nudge you in the direction of your larger dreams, hopes and wishes.

Or maybe she’s trying to help you in another way. Is there a part of your past that needs healing, acceptance, comforting, reparenting? Is there a hurt that you have not forgiven yourself for? A pain that still lingers in you? 

I learned an exercise in a workshop a while back. It’s a favorite of mine that pops up regularly. Have you tried writing yourself a letter? Address the part of you that’s hurting like an old friend or your younger self. What would you say to soothe, heal and comfort that person? How would you comfort and reassure them? We talk so kindly to our friends, family, and children. Sometimes you’re even kinder to a stranger on the street than you are to yourself. Now is the time to change that. Treat that piece of you with the most tender of affection and support and see how you feel after. 

Now, how do you feel?