Positive Results by Sabrina

Over the years, I’ve heard a million stories about supportive and unsupportive circles, partners, family members and more. For many of us, this applies to various aspects of our lives. We need support in education, business, fitness, self care, parenting, partnership and more. When we do not feel supported, we question our choices, our abilities and sometimes our sanity.

When you don’t have a supportive circle around you, even the smallest speed bump can seem overwhelming. The negative self-talk can be amplified by those around you and it can seem impossible to get past. The resistance that you feel is magnified and you feel like you’re being weighed down by thousands of pounds of lead.

Conversely, when you have a supportive circle around you, even the largest mountain can seem easy to traverse. You know that you’re not alone. As you face the negative self-talk, the support of your circle can help to quiet the voices. You see different options than you saw on your own. You see new possibilities. You speak a goal out loud and your supporters actively work to help you leap over the stepping stones to achieve those goals. 

Some of us feel like we should always be able to depend on our families to support us. Unfortunately, that’s often not the case. Your family may be good people, but in many cases, they may not have grown up with the support, education and resources they needed and they don’t know how to support you the way that you need now. We often require time to learn, grow, communicate our needs and support each other. We should be able to clearly explain what we’re working on and the ways in which our families can either support our endeavors or step back. While you want their support, you don’t need their negativity. They may think that their words of caution are coming from a place of love, but if that’s not what we’re coming to them for, then we don’t have to allow our families the space to share their fears.

Similarly, you may feel like your partner should be your number one supporter. That’s what they signed up for, right? But what if your partner has never felt the type of support you’re looking for? How will they know how to support you if you cannot clearly tell them what you need? Add to that the fact that we all look at the world through our own lenses. Often, your goal may not be something your partner understands. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s that they cannot see your vision. Maybe they want you to think bigger. Maybe they’re scared that you’re thinking too big because no one around them has ever achieved anything like what you are reaching for. They literally can’t support you because they don’t have the tools necessary. It’s not that they don’t want you to get the new job, for example. It’s that you’re asking them to help you build a space rocket and all they’ve ever built is a house of cards. 

As we age, many of us see our circles change in ways we never expected. The schoolmates and co-workers that were once with us daily, have shifted, moved away and moved on. If we’re no longer interacting with these people daily, life moves on, priorities change and we can’t count on each other any more. The connection that we thought would sustain our relationship is severed. Many of us outgrow the circles we were in, either replacing them with new networks or standing on our own. You’re supposed to continue to grow, develop new skills and flourish as time passes and not everyone in your life will grow in the same direction as you. As adults, we often build new communities based on shared hobbies, spirituality, businesses, growing children and more. 

Some of the people that I’ve spoken to find that their relationships have shifted in surprising ways. From the time I was a kid, I’ve known many people who have had marriages end only to find their ex-partner has grown into one of their best friends later in life. Often romantic relationships do not turn out the way that you expect but you still love and respect the person as another adult in your life and it works out for the better. Some people develop lasting relationships with former partners of other family members and friends. These people come into your life and the value that they add does not dissipate just because those other relationships fail. 

You have the right to seek the supportive and encouraging people that you need, to build the future that you want. You have the right to surround yourself with successful people who are living lives that inspire and teach you. You may be pleasantly surprised to find the person you met last year at a networking event has done more to change your life than the college acquaintance you have been forcing yourself to keep in touch with because you thought their professional network would come in handy. When we walk through the world with an open heart and an open mind, I find that we attract more similarly situated people into our circles. I find that when I’m open with others, when I’m seeking ways to help others, I attract resources to help me. As I continue to learn, to grow and to dream each day, I know that I will continue to attract the supportive people I need around me with love, joy and fulfillment in my heart.