One of the best things about coaching for me is the conversations that come up while we workout. I learn something new from every workout just as my athletes do. Because I don’t have as much experience being coached, I use every opportunity as a learning experience for all of us. Just as when I was in business school and we would tie lessons to real world scenarios, coaching diverse women allows me to weigh what the ‘textbooks’ say vs what we’re facing each day. The conversations that come up are often reminders of what I’ve learned during my coaching certifications and I want to test the theory and its application, right?

Be Willing To Ask For Support

One of my favorite parts of coaching is being your biggest cheerleader. It’s my job to remind you of the great things that you’ve accomplished. It’s my job to help you celebrate when you break a distance or speed record, or achieve something that you once swore you’d never do. But I can only do that if you’re willing to ask for support. When you’re willing to admit where you need guidance or when you don’t know what you don’t know, you’re creating space for growth. When you’re willing to say, “I have this goal but I don’t know how to get there,” you’re creating opportunities for us to grow together. I don’t work with one size fits all plans because I don’t know any one size fits all women. We all have very different lives that require very different plans. I am a curvy, masters athlete of color that juggles my personal goals with my family, a growing business, the weight of what society believes I should be able to do and the often overwhelming desire to change the world. I help women face down their overwhelming schedules and build in their workouts, nutrition and hydration. I help women wiggle out of their comfort zones and find the supportive community that they have been craving. I help women look in the mirror and celebrate their reflections. I help women who know they’re dissatisfied with where they are right now, but they have no idea where they want to go. When you’re buried in darkness, it can be hard to envision the light. The good news is you don’t have to see the light to know you’re tired of the darkness.

Celebrate the Small Wins

I’ve found that one of the things we do far too rarely as adults is celebrate our accomplishments. We’re not talking about the participation trophies that so many people look down their noses at. We’re talking about acknowledging what you’ve accomplished, where you’ve come from and how much closer you are to your goals. When you’re in school, you have natural increments to celebrate. A big test, the end of a semester, or year, graduation, etc. all get large amounts of attention and act as natural goal posts for you to aim your attention at. When you’re out of school, if you’re not competitive in areas of your life, you may go for quite a while before you feel like you have an accomplishment to celebrate. People celebrate births, birthdays, marriage, new jobs or promotions but if those events are far apart in years, what are you celebrating? Where are you finding joy? This lack of celebration and joy can be one of the reasons someone finds themselves lost in despair, depression and sickness; this can be what allows them to easily isolate from others and lose motivation for those social connections that keep us going from day to day. 

When it comes to goal setting, waiting until you achieve your big goal to celebrate, can make the road seem even longer. The tedious work of showing up day after day can feel monotonous instead of rewarding. The goal can seem so far out in the distance that some days you lose sight of it completely and want to quit. This is one of the major reasons I encourage athletes to celebrate the small wins along the way. 

Did you show up for yourself in a way that you haven’t in the past?

Did you reach a new milestone?

Did you try a new training strategy or strength move?

Did you motivate someone else to get moving?

When an athlete recently said that they felt like part of the workout was a failure, because they didn’t hit the distance goal, I found myself saying, “I would invite you to consider a reframe. Instead of being disappointed that you didn’t hit 6 miles, you should celebrate that you hit 4. You said you didn’t want to do the workout at all but you got something done. You did it alone, in a different environment than you’ve been practicing lately. That’s something to celebrate!”

Every workout is not supposed to come easily. Your goal cannot be to PB every run or reach a new max weight through every strength session. Your training will have ebbs and flows. Some workouts are maintenance work and others will plainly just suck but when you show up, you should be proud. When you do have a great workout, it will feel even more rewarding because you’ve made it through the tough ones. When you finish your goal race or survive the three hour walking tour on your destination vacation, you will know that you put in the work and reinforce the pride you feel in yourself.

Show Up For Others

Just as important as it is to show up for yourself, it’s important for the growth of our community when we can show up for others. When we talk about showing up for others, it’s awesome to hear the conversations of women who are showing up because they know what it feels like to be on the other end. Whether you need the friend who is going to walk the miles with you, remind you of your goal, or talk you out of something that you’re considering that’s not part of the plan, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. For some of us, showing up for others is easier than showing up for ourselves and this can be the catalyst that gets you started on the road to your goals. You have a bad habit of canceling plans you make for yourself, but you’re always there when your friend needs you? Ok, we’ll work with that. It’s important that Suzy knows that she can count on you to show up when you have a workout planned. It’s important that the group knows you will have the route figured out and check on the weather the day before. 

For many women, getting moving may only happen because they know they have a friend to depend on. For safety reasons, mentally and physically, moving with others may be preferred. Again, we know loneliness can be more dangerous than smoking, so finding that social connection with friends through movement can be life changing. No matter what side of the transaction you’re on, this connection can be amazing. If you’re the friend who is realizing she loves functional fitness when she’s walking and talking with her friends, you’ve won the movement lottery. If you’re the friend who is realizing that you’re adding joy, improved health and fulfillment to your friend’s life because you’re showing up for her, you’ve won the movement lottery. As long as you’re not sacrificing yourself in negative ways in order to show up for your friend, the growth and benefits to your relationship and life are priceless.

I’ve admitted before that I too experience this ability to show up for others easier than myself. I’m human. It’s easier for me to show up for an early morning workout when I know someone is depending on me than it is when I plan to workout solo, another reason I love coaching, truth be told. I am a giver and it’s taken me a lot of work with therapists and life coaches to realize where this is a strength and where this can be a weakness. Once this dependability works to get the boulder of your momentum rolling, I will invite you to remember that showing up for yourself is not only important, it’s a necessity. “Bosses don’t cancel.” Schedule that workout for yourself and don’t cancel. Schedule the rest day, massage, doctor appointment, date night, etc and don’t cancel. You must take care of yourself if you expect to have anything left in the tank to take care of anyone else.  At the end of the day, we only have one body and one life. No one can live your life for you. It’s your job to take care of yourself and build the life of your dreams.

I invite you to consider these lessons and reflect on any emotions that came up for you. Where can you use more support? Where have you been the support person? What milestones can I help you celebrate? If this resonated with you, please share with your friends. The noise of life can get so loud when we don’t stop to listen to our own hearts and minds. My inbox and comment section are always open if you have something to share or if you’re looking for a new cheerleader.