Are you suffering mentally and physically because you’re still looking for your Work – Life Balance? Some self-help book or guru told you that you’d feel better if you invested more time to work – life balance and you feel like a failure because you can’t find it. That’s not a question. That’s a fact.
You bought the planner and tried to schedule out your activities in neat, colored boxes. 30 % to career, 30 % to your kids, 30% to your partner, 10 % to yourself? But then the kids got sick, your partner had to travel for work and you fell in love with a new hobby?
The hard truth is there’s no such thing as balance for those of us who live real lives. This is not a hot-take. Again, this is fact. I hear it regularly from other women who have finally seen the light. The people who are selling you work-life balance tricks are usually not women, mothers, people of color, people who deal with complex lives. Often their balance comes from the people hidden behind the black curtains who you can’t see handling half of their responsibilities for them.
For the rest of us, there is no balance. There is only juggling. Most of us are navigating a juggling act of epic proportions. Sometimes you’re juggling soft balls (kids routine, the career you’ve been settle in for years and love, a family vacation once a year and date night once a quarter). Sometimes you’re juggling boulders (health issues, loss of a job/home, new schools, large moves). Sometimes you’re juggling flaming, spiked swords (major health scare/injury, loss of a family member, pandemics). Some days it feels like a beautiful show. Other days it feels like you’re one missed sword away from losing it all. Most days, you’re not sure what’s coming next or when the next ball is going to drop…
The first secret is to figure out how you keep it all going.
Do you have the skills to juggle all that you’re trying to juggle? Life is not always predictable. When you get your rhythm going well, is someone else constantly trying to introduce new balls to your rotation? Do you have a partner that you can share the performance with? When surprises hit you like illness, unplanned appointments, family obligations, holidays and school projects, are you able to regroup and refocus or does the entire thing fall apart? Do you have to juggle large beach balls or can you break some of the tasks down to the smaller balls that fill a toddler’s ball pit?
The second secret is to remember that your juggling act doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
“Not my circus, not my monkeys” works both ways. 1. Stop trying to help everyone else with their juggling act and 2. stop comparing the way you handle your flying balls with anyone else’s. I keep reminding you, we are not all the same. We’re not all starting with the same skills and resources therefore we’re not going to handle situations in the same manner. It’s not our job to help everyone just as we know not everyone can help us. Keep your eyes on your own bouncy balls and you’ll find it a little easier to keep them flowing in that happy rhythm.
The third secret is to keep going.
Some days feel harder than others. Some days you want to give it all up. Learning to train elephants to jump through sparkling hoops sounds much easier than what you’ve been doing. But this is your circus and these are your monkeys. Keep going. Take it one step, one 20 minute block, one task at a time. Find the strategies that work for you and your juggling act. Can you ask for help from a trusted partner or friend? Can you tag someone else in and off load 5 of the 20 balls you’re juggling? Can you really look at the balls and realize the 4 orange ones were never really yours to handle all along?
Life is truly beautiful if we can zoom out and focus on the big picture. When we remember that we’re not alone on this spinning rock, so much more seems possible. We are surrounded by love, joy and adventure. We have amazing people around us looking for the same love and joy that we’re looking for and together we can create beauty. Sometimes we just need to remember to focus on the things worth focusing on. Stop pursuing the myths of balance, ease and the fountain of youth. Instead, focus on growing yourself in the ways that help you feel successful in the life you have today. Surround yourself with others who help make you stronger and fill in for the weaknesses you’re working on strengthening. (If you’re on my email list, this is a great place that the Boldly Becoming You Workshop comes in.) And if today, you keep three balls in the air and set two others aside, celebrate! Celebrate every win, every growth, everyday that you keep one more ball rotating. You’re Strong. You’re Brave! And you’re not alone!
Want to keep in touch? Drop a message in the comment section and let me know one small thing you’re going to do to keep your juggling act running smoother today.
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Much love,
Coach Sabrina L
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